Anticipation

When I was in high school at St. Mary's Academy for girls, Junior Ring Day was one of our biggest events. That was the day--occurring toward the end of the junior year--that each student received her class ring. It was a lavish day-long ceremony eagerly awaited by all. The year I got my class ring was 1975 and our theme song for the event was Carly Simon's Anticipation. At the tender age of 17, we were savvy enough to realize that oftentimes, it is the looking forward to things which can be as enjoyable as the thing itself.

Last week, I read parts of an interview given by David Kessler regarding his book, The End of Overeating. In it, he talks about how the anticipation of eating is often the best part, that the thinking ahead of the yummy treat is part and parcel of the package of the pleasure we get from food. This caused me to hearken back to the lesson of my own Junior Ring Day. Reluctantly, I have to admit that I've often overlooked the joy of anticipation of many of my life events.

Anticipation of so many life events is the greatest part of their pleasure. Yet how often do we rush through this anticipatory stage in an effort to get to the end of the journey, not realizing that we've careened past the best part of the process? For my entire two pregnancies, I thought of nothing but actually holding the new baby in my arms and looked forward to how wonderful being a mom would be. I couldn't wait to have the pregnancy done with. (Of course, it didn't help that Baby #1 was three weeks late, but that's another story!). In hindsight, I realized that I rushed through those 18 months without reveling in them. Ditto for the time I spent dating my now husband (couldn't wait until we set up house together), any vacation I've ever taken (couldn't wait to get there) and any new home into which I've moved (couldn't wait to be in and settled).

This year, I've been helping my daughter, Alyssa, plan her own wedding. I admit, at times, that my natural tendency is to be impatient for the big day to arrive. This is exacerbated by the fact that shortly after the wedding, Jeremy and I will be moving to our dream location of the Oregon Coast. However, I'm proud to say that I'm getting much better at enjoying the journey. This is, after all, my last opportunity to see my daughters on the spur of the moment, as opposed to planning a visit and getting on a plane, etc. I'm enjoying both the planning AND the anticipation and I'm in agreement that the anticipatory stage is a fine one indeed.

If you're in the midst of planning your own wedding, heed my lesson. In spite of some stressful days, this is a glorious time of your life. For most of you, it will be a once in a lifetime experience. As busy as you are, please take the time to revel in the anticipation. Remember, "these are the good old days."


Visit our California websites for Lyssabeth's Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

Don't even THINK about a Courthouse Wedding!

Dum, dum, de dum, here comes the bride...all eyes turn toward you as you enter the room....looking radiant, serene....the picture of bliss. Oh but wait, before you take your walk down the (very short) aisle, you must pause in order to pass through the metal detector!

You probably have a very valid reason for considering a Courthouse wedding, but no worries, I'm here to dissuade you of that notion entirely and give you alternatives. Perhaps you're on a tight budget, or you've been planning a big wedding, but the pressure is getting to you so you're going to chuck the whole thing in favor of some simple "I do's" before a local justice of the peace. Or may you're a total introvert and the thought of proclaiming undying love and commitment in front of 200 of your friends, family members and your boss is not exactly up your alley. Safer to head downtown on a Tuesday afternoon with only your honey as witness if you mumble and fumble your vows!

Or you'd rather focus on the marriage rather than the wedding, so the idea of a quick, legal ceremony sounds appealing. Maybe you're pregnant and want the legal part "over with". Or perhaps somewhere in your warped pre-wedding-stressed brain, you've convinced yourself that spiriting away to the County Courthouse is daring and romantic. (Note: it's more like drab and depressing.)

I have three little words for you that will have huge impact. Don't do it! Let me script a scenario for you about how the day might go. You wake up. Ah! Your wedding day. Plan to have this feeling of bliss shattered when you arrive at the county courthouse. You'll be greeted by the ubiquitous security guard complete with metal detector. You'll queue up behind all the grumpy people who've been assigned jury duty that day. This will feel especially awkward if you've opted to don formal wedding attire. (Hey, get a load of the guy in the tuxedo and the gal in the meringue dress!)

The metal clip that holds your wedding-day hairdo in place will set off the alarm, causing the guard to bellow into his radio, "We need a guard for a female search!" while people send you looks of either pity or bemusement. Your groom, who has neglected to take the rings from his pocket, will face similar scrutiny. Red-faced, you'll endure the wanding, the patting and the final nod of approval, then after putting your shoes back on, you'll be sent on your way to the clerk's office to obtain your marriage license.

Once there, you'll be given the "opportunity" to take a number and wait your turn to be called. It will feel vaguely familiar to you. You'll ponder this familiarity, wondering why you have a distinct sense of déjà vu when you know you've never set foot in the clerk's office in your life. But then it dawns upon you. This place has the same feel as the DMV, complete with drab walls, bored employees in cubicles, copious amounts of bureaucratic paperwork and the interminable wait.

By now you're starting to think you should have popped a few bucks for the chapel down the street.

At long last, your number is called and you and your intended eagerly approach the window, where you are asked a number of questions by the cubicle-inhabiting worker, who ultimately--and with no acknowledgement that this is a very big day for you indeed--hands you your marriage license and drones, "Courtroom number 705, down the hall to the right, take the elevator to the 7^th floor....NEXT!!!"

You scurry out, relieved to the point of giddiness. You've made it past the hurdles and the coveted paperwork is in your hands. You head up to the seventh floor, but as you are pushing the elevator button, you hear an unfamiliar clanking and shuffling. You turn to see a sheriff, escorting a sullen looking man in prison scrubs who is wearing both handcuffs and leg shackles. Oh, didn't you know that the county jail is in the basement of this building? After all, we all deserve our day in court, whether it's for elopement or arraignment.

You all shuffle into the elevator--some shuffling more than others. You wonder if it would be inappropriate to mutter, "have a nice day," as the guard and his shadow exit the elevator on the 3^rd floor. You don't want to be rude.

But wait, another couple enters the elevator as the doors are closing. Phew! At least these folks are not in leg irons. In fact, they look quite respectable. But then you notice the woman is clearly agitated; enraged, even. "That lying SOB, she rails, "I want him to HURT! He'll pay child support through the nose if it's the last thing I do! And by the way, I insist on getting the SUV, the dog and the antique dresser in the guest room " The gentleman with her, clearly her attorney, encourages her by agreeing that yes, he will certainly drain her soon-to-be-ex of every last penny, stick of furniture and shred of dignity the lying SOB might still possess.

Ding. Fifth floor. Ladies lingerie, giftware, housewares....divorce court.

More than a little spooked, you finally exit the elevator from hell and position yourselves expectantly in front of the judge's clerk's desk. She give you a "what makes you think you're so special look" and directs you take a seat. The judge will be with your shortly. What she doesn't tell you is that his honor has a full docket this morning and will not even glance your way until the noon hour. It is now 10:15 a.m. And by the way, there are three couples ahead of you.

With no other choice, you sit, perusing six month old issues of People Magazine, where you will no doubt read at least one article about some fabulous Hollywood picture-perfect wedding. You're beginning to think that putting up with paparazzi would be a good problem to have.

At 12:45, the judge comes out and introduces himself to all couples present. He smells vaguely of mustard and is picking a wayward sesame seed from his front tooth. He needs to be back in court by 1:00. He'll do his best. Of course, this means that there is time for the first three couples to get in their nuptials. You? Well, you'll have to wait until another judge is available. That may not be until court is adjourned for the day. Frazzled, you begin to snap at your intended, the love of your life. It's not looking good.

Okay, I'll stop here. While this is admittedly a worse-case scenario, you get my drift. More than likely, you're not going to have a wedding ceremony upon which you'll look back with fond memories if you opt for a courthouse wedding. Please, in the name of true love, consider other options. Here are some ideas to get you started.

· Hire a professional wedding officiant who offers an elopement ceremony. This will only cost a bit more than a courthouse wedding (most elopements will run less than $200 especially if you have it performed on a weekday).

· Write your own ceremony and have a friend perform it. Many states will give a layperson one-time credentials to legally perform a wedding ceremony. Also, one may obtain an online ordination through an institution such as the Universal Life Church and most states will recognize this as legally binding.

· If it's an issue of money, consider delaying your wedding for a few months until you can save for something a notch above the courthouse. I'm not saying you have to spend $20 grand and invite everyone you know. But a small backyard wedding with a handful of close friends and your parents followed by a potluck picnic and wedding cake will be a better tribute to the start of your married life than being married in the judge's chambers after a six hour wait.

· If you feel you absolutely must have a courthouse wedding, then at least consider that as merely the legal portion of your commitment. Prior to the courthouse appointment--or just after--escape with your honey (and maybe a handful of loved ones if you wish) to a romantic location. At that spot, exchange your vows--heartfelt ones that symbolize your unique love and values. Then seal the deal with the exchange of rings. Let that experience be the one you remember when you look back upon the start of your married life.

And if the above hasn't convinced you to eschew the courthouse wedding, I have but one more pearl of wisdom to throw your way. Have you noticed how similar the word "courthouse" is to the word "outhouse"? Two little letters make up the only difference.

And wouldn't you rather begin your married life with a flourish as opposed to a flush?

Visit our California websites for Lyssabeth's Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

In sight of the Golden Gate Bridge

We routinely receive phone calls from out of state residents seeking to elope to the magnificent Bay Area. Understandably, these folks often want the Golden Gate Bridge as a spectacular backdrop to their California nuptials.

Unfortunately, many of these sites appear to be under the governance of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area (GGNRA) and they charge a fortune for a permit. Nearly $500 for a permit for a two-person elopement seems a bit pricey! 

Does anyone know of any other sites that would afford this view without breaking the couple's pocketbook?

Visit our California websites for Lyssabeth's Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

Musin' 'n Moseyin'

This week, I caught a cold. Now, for most people, this is not exactly a cataclysmic event, but for me it is quite rare. I haven't had a cold in years. A believer that nothing happens by chance, I pondered the reasons why the Universe decided to send this temporary condition my way. I've got a business to run, after all, and wedding season is upon us. There is no time to nurse a cold!

"It's a symptom of congested thinking," someone advised. I cogitated on that for a while and then rejected it, for my thoughts have been flowing like the proverbial river of late. No roadblocks there.

I decided to do a little research. At Learning Herbs, I discovered the following:

"When you actually “catch a cold,” your immune system is not functioning as well as it could. If your immune system is low, the possibility of the cold virus getting a foothold in your body increases. There are many people out there who want to believe there is a silver bullet for every illness. They also want to blame every illness on a single culprit. They love to pass the responsibility of an illness onto something else, such as a virus, than to take responsibility for it themselves. However, I know that’s not you, otherwise you wouldn’t be taking the time to read this.

The blame can not be taken on the cold virus itself.

Ask yourself… Am I…

• stressed or overworked?
• getting enough sleep?
• eating well?
• exercising enough?
• resting or taking time for myself?
• Exposing myself to too many negative influences, such as the media or negative people?
• doing what I enjoy in life?

...and the list goes on. Most of the list above are things we all need to ask ourselves regularly."

Well, now, that puts an entirely different spin on things! In pondering the above list, the reason for my cold became quite apparent. I've been neglecting to slow down of late, opting instead to rush from thing to thing, event to event, task to task. Even my workouts--supposedly a time to take care of me--have been driven. Walk aerobically to the gym, hop on the circuit, do not distract myself with chit chat, push, pull, lift, release, up, down, jog, bounce, heave, stretch...repeat.

The Universe is sending me a clear admonishment to slow down. Before it has to hit me with a more severe illness, I decided to listen. After several days of taking it easy at home, I ventured out for my morning walk today. But this time, I did not head for the gym, but settled for an ambled mosey about a new part of my neighborhood heretofore undiscovered. I was delighted to stumble across a beautiful old church that I'd never seen before and which just so happened to be offering a free musical concert next Friday. Delightful...count me in!

Stately old homes with quaint and lovely gardens inspired me. I came up with several creative ideas solely from my one-hour stroll, and came home infinitely more restored than I do from my breakneck workouts.

So, thanks for this blessing, dear Universe. I get it. From now on I'll be more mindful to slow down and take things at a more reasonable pace.

Visit our California websites for Lyssabeth's Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

Pride of Ownership

I'm currently in the unique position of being both wedding vendor and wedding customer as my youngest daughter, Alyssa is to be married in August of this year. Being a wedding officiant for eight years, I've heard plenty of complaints from couples about the lack of professionalism from other wedding vendors (not only regarding my niche but across the board). I must say, I've never understood it. Don't these vendors have bills to pay? And don't they realize that these bills are paid by their customers? Ergo, shouldn't they try to do everything possible to entice prospective customers?

I won't mention any names (it's not my intention to use my blog for anything less than kindness), but this past weekend, Alyssa, Joel and I met with two florists and a baker. Upon entering the shop of Florist #1, we found total disarray and clutter.  There was no place to sit to talk about the wedding, so we had to stand for 30 minutes. There were several dead plants hanging from the ceiling. The florist had no photos of her work, yet professed to have been doing weddings for over 20 years.

While she verbalized some great ideas and had some magazines handy, we left feeling like we didn't yet have a grasp on what she could actually provide us.

The second florist was an entirely different story. The shop was light, airy and smelled good (as a flower shop should, one would think). There was a wedding corner with lots of books and photos and a couple of comfy chairs.  There were tons of photos to give us ideas. We left feeling inspired. 

And so to the cake-tasting, scheduled for noon. We were to meet the baker at the wedding venue, where we arrived at exactly noon. No cake. We waited. No cake. It didn't help that we hadn't eaten since 6:30 that morning and were famished. We had no phone number for the gal. At 12:20, she called the front desk of the venue and said she'd be there in 5 minutes. At 12:25, she arrived, breathless and apologizing, carrying a lovely 8" sample cake. And that was it. No knife. No forks. No plates. After some scrambling in the venue's dining room for the needed items, we had a taste of the cake, which was quite good. 

However, the gal couldn't answer any of our questions regarding price, styles, delivery. That was done by her sister, she explained. Call her. She then happily told us we could keep the rest of the cake. (Did I mention that our home was three hours drive away from the venue?) Ummmm...how are we to get the cake home with no box, no foil?

I don't care if that cake tasted like it was baked by Betty Crocker, Julia Childs and Martha Stewart combined, there's no way we'd hire someone that unprofessional. We'll keep looking.

Vendors shouldn't make it hard to make me their customer. They should make it simple to do so. From the navigation of their website to the knowledge of all their staff to how they accept payments. All of it should entice people to want to become customers.

I've never taken a marketing class in my life, but that just seems to be common sense.

Visit our California websites for Lyssabeth's Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

Let Time Go Lightly

I've always been conscious of time.  (This comes in very handy in my line of work--being late for a wedding ceremony when you are the one officiating would be severely frowned upon by most couples!)

I've become even more conscious of time on a wider scale since I turned 50 last year.  You know, facing my mortality and all that. My mother passed away in October and that, too, was another reminder of the brevity of life and the relative scarcity of the minutes that fill it. I've noticed that I'm more and more impatient with anything or anyone who wastes my time. After all, in this journey of life, in all probability, I'm more than halfway to the grave.

Yesterday, I took my granddaughter, Kaydi, for our weekly play date (scheduled time 2:00 to 6:30 sharp!). There were no decent movies playing; we rejected the Aquarium as too expensive; the circus isn't in town until the weekend; and we've visited the Children's Museum so many times that we're practically considered staff. 

So we opted for frolicking in the creek close to the flagship REI store in Denver. This child-sized stretch of running water was perfect for us. I plopped myself on a rock in the sun, dangling my toes in the water while Kaydi splashed in the ankle-deep pools, climbed on the rocks and in short, got pretty darn wet. 

I was amazed at how happy she was with this free entertainment and we spent a blissful couple of hours splashing, playing mermaid, watching the birds and chatting with folks as they came and went into REI. It was impossible not to think of my own childhood days--the ones where the afternoons were spent climbing trees, splashing in a 2' plastic pool. swinging on swing sets or simply chasing the heck out of friends.

Later in the day, Jeremy and I took Kaydi on an impromptu picnic and once again, time seemed to mosey as we ate our sandwiches and wiggled our toes in the green grass. I hummed the Harry Chapin song:

"I let time go lightly when I'm here with you...I keep a watch in time when I've got work to do, but I let time go lightly with you..."

I'm rethinking my concept of time. After all, it's going to pass anyway, so why fear its passage? Much better to embrace the moments I have right here, right now--as they are given to me. So, I will embrace today as the glorious gift of time that it is. If I subtract 8 hours for sleeping, that leaves me 16 hours in which I can revel. Sixteen hours...imagine the possibilities!

By the way, I didn't get Kaydi home until 8:00 last night. Who cares??? It's only time.

Maureen Thomson is a wedding officiant and owner of Lyssabeths Bay Area Wedding Officiants, Lyssabeth's Marin Wedding Officiants and Lyssabeth's Monterey Wedding Officiants.

Weddings and the Recession

The recession has hit the pocketbook of many brides- and grooms-to-be and for the first time in a while, we're seeing a decrease in the average amount spent on the wedding (currently hovering at just under $30,000). And that may be a silver lining.

While we certainly don't applaud the fact that couples are having to pinch pennies, it is refreshing to see a decrease in exorbitant spending. When it comes down to it, the waste of spending thousands of dollars on a dress that will be worn for one day (and which will have a dirty hem within two hours of the bride putting it on!) seems tragic. Why not opt for something simple and classic (i.e. elminate the meringue!)?

Anyone can have a memorable wedding day if they throw gobs of money at it. However, it is the truly creative couple that can put together a unique and special celebration while adhering to careful spending. Watching your budget doesn't mean the wedding will be cheap! Consider writing your own wedding ceremony and having a friend perform it. Hook up an Ipod to some good quality speakers and forgo the cost of a DJ. Order a smaller cake (for show and to cut) and then have sheet cakes (hidden away in the kitchen) cut up and served to guests. 

Better yet, limit the guests list to only your nearest and dearest. Your wedding is not a time to pay back social obligations; you can throw several small dinner parties after you're married to visit with co-workers (most of whom you won't even remember five years from now anyway!). As a wedding officiant, I can tell you that the ceremonies that are the most memorable and sacred are those with 50 guests or less in attendance. An important piece of intimacy is lost if the numbers top that amount. Having fewer guests also makes the bride and groom less nervous, which means you're more likely to actually enjoy your wedding day, rather than have it fly by in a blur of cocktails, people and the chicken dance!

In every challenge there comes opportunity. I say the challenge of belt-tightening presents couples with the opportunity to downsize and create more intimate and meaningful wedding day celebrations!

Lyssabeth's San Francisco Bay Area Wedding Officiants  Marin Wedding Officiants and Monterey Wedding Officiants provides officiants and wedding ceremonies throughout the San Francisco and Monterey Bay Areas.